Funny Junk

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
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The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’

‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly.

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It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old white man married a 20-year-old white girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow.

“This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”

He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You really are amazing. How do you do it?”

He again said, “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, “You must be quite a man.”

He responded, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”

The nurse then said, “Well, you had better change the oil because this one’s black.”

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.”

“That’s odd” replied the doctor “Show me what you mean”

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says to her “Your not a natural brunette are you?”

“No I’m a blonde” she replies.

“I thought so…. your finger is broken.” replies the doctor ….

One day a mother told her daughter(blonde) that she wanted the house yellow while she goes to work. When the mother got home the house the green. She asked her daughter why did you paint the house green. And the daughter said you told me you wanted the house yellow so i painted it green and in a few weeks the house should ripe and turn yellow.

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

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