Funny Junk

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.

Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can’t get the darn thing to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it’s set up with.

Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer’s Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

Just check out this image above to test whether the snake is male or female.

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring, “he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”

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After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman

“Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays.” — On the bottom of a pizza parlor’s take-out menu.

“Parking for drive-through customers only.” — A sign at a McDonald’s in California.

“We are Handicapped - Friendly. For example, if you are blind, we will read the menu for you.” –

A notice in a restaurant.

“Eat Here - Get Gas” — A sign at a gas station.

“Hot drinks to take out or sit in.” — A sign on a cafe.

“You can’t beat our meat!” — A sign on a restaurant, now closed.

“Our Infamous Steaks” — A sign at a restaurant in Raleigh, NC.

“Now Hiring / Sausage Biscuits / $1″ — A sign at a McDonald’s.

“NOW HIRING / TWO FRENCH DIPS / FOR TWO DOLLARS.” — A sign at an Arby’s in North Bend, Washington.

“Please consume all food on premises.” — A sign at a Souplantation restaurant.